i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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