they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
