Im at strip club and am horny
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Randomize
