he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
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I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
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