dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
