Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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