all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
