what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
