How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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