I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
