before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
