i'm signing you up for texting rehab
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
