Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
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He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
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It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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