FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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