Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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