He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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