dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
