Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
