So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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