So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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