from now on my penis is your penis
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
