Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
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