I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
