i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Randomize