highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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