oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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