i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
