I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
