it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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