I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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