sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
