Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
