She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My vagina just clenched in fear
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
