his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
fuck your aforementioned shoe
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
