apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
