I need to stop coming to work sober
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
