is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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