You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
