just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
