2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
