So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
