I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
