I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
