so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
