My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
