Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize