I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
