I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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