No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
