I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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