Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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