i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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