Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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