she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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