I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
