sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
