Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
