The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
