Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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