There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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