It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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