i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
