I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
