Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
