does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
