My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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