I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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