oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
