saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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