I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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