why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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