Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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