it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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