maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
