Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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