i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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