Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
